Random Thoughts

Sometimes I am afraid of all that goes on in the world. I feel at times I am very naive about what the world is really like and what the people in it are really like. I also find myself to be exceedingly odd in comparison to my peers. What is this greed for money? As if it is the end of be all, and i agree that it is certainly important in order make a living, is it not given way too much importance in this world. I guess I am not being realistic about it at all. and I go grow older i will probably realize the value and importance of money and why i need it so much. but so many poeple are me suffocate themselves with the concept of money where they want to live breathe and die in money. and i guess i just dont see the point of it all. what if one gets all the money they want, then what. does money sincerely solve all our problems. another thing that has been bothering me lately is the fact that we are so quick to fixate on our own lives..our own problems. when the rest of the world has grimmer problems then we can ever imagine. what makes us so selfish? what makes me so selfish? sometimes, i just find myself dwelling on my own problems and not recognizing that they are to a large extent petty and irrelevant. i am so confused. all i want to do is help the world become a better place. how does one begin? now that i delayed medical school for one year, i have all year next yr to do something productive. but i just dont know. a part of me wants to pursue the mph degree only one yr programs though since im tryin to matriculate med school fall 2009. another part of me just wants to go to nepal and do extensive volunteering health world. i just want to do something..anything. something that goes beyond me..im taking my mcats in jan. hope i do well. i hope this semester is all i want it to be. sometiems i just feel so alone in the context of wanting to do something that is genuinely good for the world or for someone. i find that most people want to get a job..earn money. take care of their OWN family. OWN friends. and so forth. but why isnt the whole world considered our family? why is it that someone else dying..suffering in pain does not make affect most people? I just dont know. i want to beleive that the world is my family. and in that context i want to care for everyone. here or internationally. i just think many people are quick to draw lines amongst people they know..but honestly i think we are the only species which intentionally kill each other in vain. what is this money and power bussiness. why do we live in such an unequal world? why was i fortunate enough to be born in a family that gave me opportunities of education? what makes me so special? nothing, luck. thats all. we cannot control which family we are born into. but if we are fortunate enoufh to be born into families which have taken care of us and propelled us to higher education and so forth, do we not hold some sense of responsibiltiy? when did the people across the world become strangers? are we not made of the same bones..same blood..are not our bodies the same. then why do we treat others like strangers. why do we dehumanize? therefore, sometiems im just afraid of what lies ahead of me. perhaps i am naive to feel this way. to want to do soemthing about it. but there is fear in me that ceutnaries of racism, colonial rule, hatred, betryal. what can be done. how do we change gender relaitons? how do we change whole societies? education serves to both liberate and suffocate me.
i am liberated with the power of knowledge. with the art of knowing. realzing so much about the world.
yet i feel suffocated for not being able to do anyhting about it. or perhaps i can and i am not seeking the ways?