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the distinct voices which all begin to sound like one
the aching feeling
the loss of things that did not happen
the silence in a world full of laughter
the hopes
the heart break
the things which were not said
i wish there was a way i could understand all that is going on
a way to make sense of the injustices in the world
a way by which we could understand comprehend everything
what is the purpose of my life
i wonder and struggle with everyday
is failure a sign of progress
a sign that i should not be doing what i have been doing
what are the answers
what are the answers which we all seek
what are the answers
i wish tehre was a how to live life for dummies book
or some place and time where everything becoems clear
but as i get older and older
things continue to become more complicated
so complicated that i feel utterly suffocated and entrapped
when will things be ok
or is this inerhently the sign of privelege when things are ok
and the privelege of education is one which weighs heavily
but from all those science classes what do we really learn about being human
about supporting being there for each other
in this materialistic world i struggle to find meaning
i want to find a purpose a meaning
a clear purpose
yet every time i try
i fail
time and time again
failure is inhnretly rooted in fate
and if that is so what is my purpsoe in life
what is it about be that makes me fail over and over again
as tears well up in my eyes
i hold them back
i try to keep them in
try to hold them
but somehow i cant stop my stomach from crawling
what is it about me about this place
i cant breathe
the walls are caving in on me
the walls of civilization
of education
of analzying decosntrscting
when all of this really get us
when do the doors or opportunity open
and will the world really cahnge
will the injustices of the world be righted
what are the answers
why do i grapple with forces which are out of my control
there is so much ugliness in the world that i am overcome and overwhelmed
what can we as people do
when most of world does not want to do
does not want to serve
how do we save ourselves from this all consuming materliasitc work
where are we going
what is grounding us
i dont know
i wish i had the answers but i do not
i wis there was a way i could see into my future
a way in which everything would work out
all i want to do is contribute in a positive way to the world
what is there for me to do
everywhere i turn i face failure time and time again
i am tired of failing
of never being good enough
i am tired of numbers and grades defining me
i do not the answers
i want to go back home
i want to be with people i recognize
i want to go back to eating familiar foods
i do not want to be here any longer
i do not want to be suffocated with this work like a dog attitude
patience pateince '
maybe i will just put my faith in god
have faith in the world
the world which kills
which rapes
the world where people are dehumanized brtulaized
when i made this blog i labeled it save the world with the purpose that maybe we could
but in so many ways im begging for the world to save me
save my soul
from consumerism
from destruction
from materialism
i wish there were a book of answers
i am lost
i do not know what i want
i do not know what i am suppose to be
i do not know who i am.
perhaps this is a quarter life crisis, a rant of privelenged life. or just a plain confusion
confusoin of a world which is self destructing destruction all around
over and over again..